the little white flowers

I was working out in the driveway this morning when I noticed a little flower pot I had never seen before. It was full of round, bright green leaves bursting from the sides. As I was struggling to catch my breath, I became aware of the sudden clarity I was feeling. It reminds me of when I’m puttering around with Noah outside, and I’m lost in thinking about the next interview or what’s for dinner. Then he brings me out of my torpor, excitedly running to me. His little hand is thrust upwards,...

new motherhood + fashion crisis

This year, I’ve been on a mission to buy fewer clothes.

I had an existential fashion crisis shortly after becoming a mom. It started before that actually, while I was pregnant—but I figured it was temporary and it would be over after he was here. But then I gave birth, and nothing went back to normal. Not only did I have a completely differently shaped body, but it had morphed to be entwined with another human—it had not been mine for quite some time and would not be for quite some...

becoming real

It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything for anyone other than myself. I have tens of unpublished essays in my Medium drafts from the last several years—some of them are not bad. But reading through them in the wee hour of a sleepless night, I quickly realized why I never published them.

In one, I wrote about the platitude “God gives His hardest battles to his strongest warriors.” It’s not my least favorite mantra, but it’s in the bottom three for me. I couldn’t articulate well...

wretched dandelions

The clock edges closer to 3pm and I'm fighting the urge to give a two minute notice and walk out. I feel like my entire body has dry mouth as I'm wondering what he'll say. That I've disappointed him? That I put on an impressive show but the gig is up? Thank you for your time but we need someone who can think critically? I try to calm myself and collect my thoughts as I enter this meeting with my boss, still wondering what he'll say when he finds out I'm a garbage engineer.

Thinking...